Farewell 2022—stated with non-fondness.
This year, without question, was beyond challenging. It may well have been the worst year in my entire [long] life. Perhaps it’s selfish to focus on me when there have been [countless] dire and heart-wrenching events around the world, but I haven’t posted in some time and I feel a [great] need to bare my soul, at least a little.
I suppose it’s really a purge—the elimination of all that’s been ugly or destructive or belittling or just not worth carrying around anymore (as in excess baggage)
Decades of mom-care burned me out. Sleeping three hours a night burned me out. Working a full-time job (12 hours a day) while executing the aforementioned mom-care burned me out. Not having any friends or social life burned me out. Having minimal support burned me out. Having “the system” claim my mother was capable of making her own decisions—when clearly everyone else could see that she was not—burned me out. My anger and resentment, my weariness, my I-can’t-do-this-anymore and let-me-not-wake-up-again feelings burned me out.
Yes, it was a bad year. My mother is now in a long-term facility and it’s a good one, so thank goodness for that. That the staff don’t allow me much peace is another issue, but I am learning to cope with that, and I’m getting better, calmer, more resilient.
I got to go to Hawaii at the end of October this year . . . a place where I feel at peace. It’s where I belong. And it’s not about sunshine and palm trees. It’s about spirit. The trip there was a nightmare—everything went wrong. I surely thought my perpetual bad luck would just continue, and I was very tempted to just turn tail the night of arrival and return home. After the second day, however, it got better. I walked miles every day, enjoyed the simplicity of being. Felt that maybe things would finally calm and that maybe life wouldn’t continue not going my way. 😉 That the long-term folks wouldn’t give me any peace while I was there (despite knowing I desperately needed to de-stress) is another story, and one that will remain unwritten.
My goal, my resolution for 2023, is simply to go with the flow. That’s it, that’s all. To embrace the last years of my life—no longer manipulated/controlled by another person—however they unfold.
Among other things, I intend to complete the next book in my mystery series, get my website going (and the blog redesigned), post regularly again of course, become a full-time editor, and return to Hawaii.
I will not look back or be angry or resentful for the years that I’ve lost. I will look forward to new lessons being learned, developing into a better and composed person . . . and moving on. 😉
May 2023 be a [much] better year . . . and an awesome one for you and yours.