A Personal Post

This one’s a difficult one . . . yes, it’s good to share, purge, vent . . . no, it’s not good to complain, cry . . . which I, truthfully, don’t wish to do but, alas, do (LOL).

The Ontario health system, LIHN in particular, has let me down re mom-care.  She has mild dementia and is considered “capable” of making decisions.  As such, she won’t be entering a home any time soon; yours truly can continue to take care of her, regardless of ongoing exhaustion and depression.  “Mom” has it great; she’s waited on and treated like a queen.  For someone who has always been self-absorbed and critical of everyone, she’s done well, and still continues to do so.

I, on the other hand, am not doing that well.  Given I have to take care of her—indefinitely, as the case may be—the aforementioned exhaustion and depression have increased twofold (who’d have thought that possible?).  Evidently, no one cares that the caregiver is so burned out, she can barely stand (or stand it).

As you may know from previous posts, I’ve given up years of my life for my mother, fully aware I’ll never receive a thank you.  That’s okay.  It is what it is.  But I, truly, no longer wish to sacrifice my life.  I’d like to experience it before I myself lay my head down to [perpetual] rest.

It’s exceptionally difficult to remain calm/ sane/ understanding/ patient / focused.  Is this a pity party (as someone called it)?  Perhaps.  Quite probably.  And all’s the pity that no one seems to understand.  Resulting platitudes are aplenty; requested [required] assistance is not.

I made some wrong decisions a number of years ago so, really, no one is to blame for this except myself.  Lessons learned (majorly and, maybe, a little bitterly).  May you make the right decision(s), whatever your dilemma, quandary, situation—or opportunity (which I hope and pray you are experiencing more than the others)—and may you find peace and joy in that.

Take care, my friends.

Author: tylerus

I'm primarily a writer of fiction and blog posts, and a sometimes editor and proofreader of books, manuals, and film/television scripts. Fact-checking and researching, organizing and coordinating are skills and joys (I enjoy playing detective and developing structure). My fiction audience: lovers of female-sleuth mysteries. My genres of preference: mysteries (needless to say), women’s fiction, informative and helpful “affirmative” non-fiction. So-o, here I am, staring up a new blog for aspiring and established e-Book writers. The plan: to share the (long) journey of getting to this stage, and share "learnings" and "teachings". There's a lot I hope to accomplish with this blog, but it may be a while before that happens as there's a lot on the ol' plate - taking care of Mom, working full-time, and attempting to get another book in the Triple Threat Investigation Agency series written (never mind blog postings and other writing projects). It's very challenging and it's all good. As I like to say: teeny focused baby steps are just as effective as long forceful strides. It may take a little longer, but we will get there.

4 thoughts on “A Personal Post”

  1. Are there public or private organizations that possibly might be of help? Are there online or in-person groups of people with situations similar to yours? I’m sure, though, that you’ve looked into all of this.

    Like

    1. Private I cannot afford, hence the reliance on the provincial health system. There are support groups, as well a chat / caregiver lines and sites, and power to them, but they are of little value to me at this stage. I do have a couple of calls to make next week. We shall see where they go, if anywhere. 🙂 Take care, my friend, and thank you . . . for being a friend.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. There are . . . but I work full-time from home (many hours) and it’s difficult for me to have someone here (very small place). Taking her to a program is also difficult as driving and a lot of movement affects an already bad back (which means treatment/pills).

      Liked by 1 person

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