This one’s a difficult one . . . yes, it’s good to share, purge, vent . . . no, it’s not good to complain, cry . . . which I, truthfully, don’t wish to do but, alas, do (LOL).
The Ontario health system, LIHN in particular, has let me down re mom-care. She has mild dementia and is considered “capable” of making decisions. As such, she won’t be entering a home any time soon; yours truly can continue to take care of her, regardless of ongoing exhaustion and depression. “Mom” has it great; she’s waited on and treated like a queen. For someone who has always been self-absorbed and critical of everyone, she’s done well, and still continues to do so.
I, on the other hand, am not doing that well. Given I have to take care of her—indefinitely, as the case may be—the aforementioned exhaustion and depression have increased twofold (who’d have thought that possible?). Evidently, no one cares that the caregiver is so burned out, she can barely stand (or stand it).
As you may know from previous posts, I’ve given up years of my life for my mother, fully aware I’ll never receive a thank you. That’s okay. It is what it is. But I, truly, no longer wish to sacrifice my life. I’d like to experience it before I myself lay my head down to [perpetual] rest.
It’s exceptionally difficult to remain calm/ sane/ understanding/ patient / focused. Is this a pity party (as someone called it)? Perhaps. Quite probably. And all’s the pity that no one seems to understand. Resulting platitudes are aplenty; requested [required] assistance is not.
I made some wrong decisions a number of years ago so, really, no one is to blame for this except myself. Lessons learned (majorly and, maybe, a little bitterly). May you make the right decision(s), whatever your dilemma, quandary, situation—or opportunity (which I hope and pray you are experiencing more than the others)—and may you find peace and joy in that.
Take care, my friends.